


Defenders Shit

by oursisthefury



Series: Marvel Shit [2]
Category: The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: We started writing this weird shit again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-25 05:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12029406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oursisthefury/pseuds/oursisthefury
Summary: A collection of short nonsensical stories written by me and my sis about the Defenders.





	1. That famous meme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt is pretty damn savage.

Matt posts a meme on Facebook that says "Friendship ended with Foggy. Luke, Jessica and Danny are my best friends now." Foggy calls him out on it, hurt and angry. "Did you seriously make that yourself?!" He demands. "No, my new best friends helped me do it." Matt replies and hangs up the phone.


	2. Fist=Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke, Jessica and Matt figure something out.

"Iron Fist?" Jessica asks. "Hmmm, we're searching for the Hand..." Luke trails off. "A fist is a hand." Matt says wisely. All three of them turn to look at each other (Matt can't see them but does so anyways). "He's totally working with the Hand." They declare and the next time that Danny tries to say hi to them, they jump him.


	3. Interesting food item

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny is a fucking idiot.

"Her name is Elektra Natchios, and she-" Matt explains but is cut off by Danny excitedly exclaiming, "Electric Nachos?!" Jessica puts her face into her hands and Luke sighs. "No." Matt says and leaves. "That wasn't her name?" Danny asks but no one answers.


	4. But dude, you're so rich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't be stingy, Danny.

"Can I have some money?" Jessica asks Danny. "Uh, didn't I give you some yesterday?" Danny wonders. "Your point?" She asks stubbornly. "You have your own money, I'm not a bank." He retorts. "Yes, you are. Now shell it out." Jessica snaps. Danny proceeds to give her all the money he has on him. He is now penniless until he grabs more money from an ATM.

Before he can reach an ATM, he is approached by Luke. "Can I have some money?" Luke asks. Danny stares off into the distance like he's on the Office.


	5. At least he's cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a dumb mutt.

"If you were an animal, you'd be a dog. More specifically a puppy." Jessica says to Danny and the rest of the group signals their agreement. "That's good... right? Puppies are cute!" Danny enthuses. "And dumb." Matt coughs out low enough to be heard. "What?" Danny looks crestfallen. "He said 'and fun'!" Luke says quickly shooting Matt a look. "Oh!" Danny looks happy again. "Yeah, you're a real good boy." Jessica jokes but Danny doesn't catch on. Luke wants to strangle her and Matt.


	6. Babysitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica doesn't have any discretion.

Matt approaches Danny and Jessica in a Chinese restaurant. "Finally!" Jessica exclaims huffily and she practically jumps to her feet. "Your turn to babysit him." She snaps and storms out of the restaurant. "Matt, what did she mean by that?" Danny sounds upset. Matt sits down at the table awkwardly. There's nothing he can say.


	7. Sock head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The costume honestly isn't an improvement.

"Hey, sock head." Jessica greets Matt on the street. "Okay, seriously? I only wore the dumb disguise one time and it wasn't even a sock. It was your scarf." The lawyer says, annoyed. "Alright, sock head, don't get testy." Jessica mocks him. "If anything, you should be calling me 'scarf head'." Matt states. "Okay, scarf head." Jessica agrees.


	8. Want to hang?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny is heartbroken.

"So are you free to hang out?" Danny asks Matt hopefully over the phone. Matt pauses. Jessica and Luke whisper, "No!". "No. Sorry, I'm very busy right now." Matt lies. "Then how come you're at a bar right now? With the others?" Danny challenges. "You're delusional." Matt scoffs hanging up. Danny watches tearfully as the three sprint away.


	9. Pity party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke can't catch a break.

"You guys don't only stick around me for money, right? It's because we're friends?" Danny asks seeking validation yet again. "Am I supposed to answer that honestly?" Jessica asks. "No, we-" Luke gets cut off by Matt. "We stick around out of pity." Matt states without feeling. "Are you fucking kidding me, Matt?!" Luke exclaims. Now he has to validate Danny all over again.


	10. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come on, Danny's so in love with Luke.

"Hey, Luke. Want to come and grab some coffee with me?" Danny asks, eager to hang out with his new friend. Luke looks startled, looks him up and down and says, "No, thanks." "You're busy?" Danny seems hurt. "You just meant for us to grab coffee, right? And not sex?" Luke questions. "Yes... Is grabbing coffee the new term for sex now?" Danny inquires, confused. Luke doesn't answer.


	11. Asking for it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica can kick my ass, tbh.

"Wow! She's so strong! I want her to kick my ass!" Danny exclaims in awe when he witnesses Jessica lift something heavy. "Careful what you wish for..." Luke warns as Jessica comes over and punches Danny in the face. "Ow! Hey! I didn't mean it!" Danny protests. "Don't say anything like that unless you mean it, kid." Jessica replies and proceeds to pummel him.


	12. Number 1 fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke should start his own clothing line.

"Dude, all of your clothes are full of bullet holes." Danny says in amazement as he goes through Luke's closet. "I know, I seriously need an all new wardrobe." Luke remarks, all his hoodies are wrecked. He sees Danny remove one of the hoodies and admire it. "... Do you want one?" Luke asks. "You mean it? I can have one?" Danny asks excitedly. "Sure, I've got loads." Luke replies but he doesn't know why the kid would want it, it's too big and it's ruined anyways. 

A couple days later, the gang meets up to chill. Luke can't believe his eyes when Danny shows up in the oversized hoodie he gave him. "Hey, nice hoodie... Are those bullet holes?" Jessica questions and shoots a look at Luke. Luke can only look away at this point.


	13. I'm busy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Foggy gets burned.

Foggy calls Matt to ask him if he'd like to go out to dinner. "I'm busy." Matt tells him, cutting the conversation short. Foggy is let down but he decides to go to the restaurant himself since he wanted to go originally. When he arrives, he spots Matt at a table with Jessica, Luke and Danny. Foggy storms over to their table angrily. "I thought you said you were busy!" He exclaims upset. "I am busy. Busy avoiding you." Matt replies giving Jessica a high five. Foggy leaves in hurry so the group can't see his tears.


	14. The store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny helps out.

Jessica has just exited a store with Danny and she is walking home when she realizes that she's dropped her keys. They return to the store to find it closed, but peering in the glass door, they see her keys lying in an aisle. "Shit! I need those! I can't afford to break into my own apartment again!" Jessica curses. "So what're we going to do?" Danny asks. "Hmmm, there's a security camera in front of the store and around the back..." She states, gives Danny a look and leads him to the side of the building. "There's no camera here and no one around. Now I'm going to need you to punch a hole in the wall big enough for me to squeeze in." Jessica tells her friend.

"Alright, I'll try!" Danny replies confidently and his fist lights up. He punches the wall and both of them are knocked back upon impact, and the entire wall crumbles, leaving the store out in the open. The security alarms start to blare. "Oh, fuck! Go, go, go!" Jessica yells and shoves Danny along. "I just don't understand what went wrong!" He complains. Jessica is forced to break into her own apartment after all.


	15. The store pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny feels super bad bruh.

"You look down." Danny says to Luke as the four of them are eating lunch. "My favorite store had to close today because of damage done by the earthquake." Luke admits. "That's unfortunate." Jessica remarks as Danny shoots her a worried look. "Yeah, one of the sides completely collapsed during the night. It's just sad because it's been open for years." Luke finishes sadly. Jessica avoids eye contact for the rest of the lunch while Danny sits there looking extremely guilty.


	16. Anger issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Danny honestly chill?

Jessica lost at straws. She reluctantly goes to meet Danny at a bar. "The gang wanted me to have a talk with you about your temper... you get mad a lot." Jessica explains simply to him. "What? I do not!" Danny retorts starting to get angry. Jessica takes a deep breath and orders another shot.


	17. Just order more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny, calm tf down.

Danny has just wolfed down his entire plate of food while everyone else is only halfway through theirs. He eyes Jessica's plate hungrily, "Are you going to eat that?" "Yes-" Jessica starts but he's already shoveling her food onto his plate and scarfing it down. "Dude, seriously?! Just order more food!" She complains angrily. "Order more? No, I'm good." He replies with a laugh. "You've been acting like you're starving! You've been stealing from Matt's plate the entire time!" Jessica exclaims. "Why'd you tell him that?!" Danny asks, wide eyed and face flushing with embarrassment. "Oh, I knew." Matt states. 

"Look, man. Just order more." Luke tells him. "I just didn't want to look like a pig in front of you guys." Danny admits, ashamed. "Using the fist just makes me so hungry..." "We wouldn't have thought that but now you've just made yourself look like a huge asshole." Jessica remarks. "... Are you guys mad at me?" Danny questions, sounding upset. They all sigh and say simultaneously, "No. Just order more food already!" So he orders more food and everyone's happy.


	18. No one cares, dude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny tries to reason with everyone. It goes as well as expected.

"Wow! Hey, we should calm down!" Danny says dodging a punch from Jessica. "This fighting is not good for any of us." He tells the rest of them calmly. "What are you talking about? You started this!" Luke growls fed up with Danny's nonsense. "Yeah, but-" Danny tries to defend himself but Jessica shoves him to the ground. "I don't really care what you have to say, I just want to beat the shit out of you." She states simply and kicks him. "Matt?" Danny tries, hoping the other will come to his defense. "I'm with Jessica." Matt replies much to Danny's surprise. Luke watches as the two mercilessly beat Danny into submission and with a shrug, he joins in.


	19. Don't be an asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny isn't very smart.

Danny follows Jessica home to her apartment. "You live here?" He asks incredulously, looking at the mess as she sets her stuff down. "Not everyone is a billionaire, asshole." Jessica snaps annoyed. "I- I- I didn't mean to offend you." He stutters embarrassed. "Why are you even here?" She demands rounding on him. "Get the hell out!" Jessica grabs him and drags him towards the door where she tosses him out. Danny sits on the floor stunned as she gives him the finger and slams the door so hard the glass nearly breaks. Danny wishes he hadn't opened his mouth.


	20. Time out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the defenders should adopt this plan.

Luke walks in on Danny having a conversation with Jessica. Danny is talking excitedly (probably telling a bullshit story) while Jessica appears to be feigning interest not very well. "Time out." Jessica cuts Danny off. "That'll be another fifty bucks." She says motioning for Danny to give her money. "Okay!" Danny takes out his wallet and hands over the cash. "Uh, can I ask what's going on here?" Luke wonders although he's not sure he really wants to know. "It's simple really." Jessica answers. "He's paying me to put up with him." She shrugs. "Now continue your shitty story." She directs her attention back to Danny who resumes his excitement. Luke shakes his head at the absurdity of it all.


	21. SQUAD GOALS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're extra af.

The gang's all wearing matching shirts that say "SQUAD GOALS" on them. Foggy spots them and walks up, looking unimpressed. "Do you guys really have to be this extra?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. "Friendship is never extra, Foggy. You'd know that if you had friends." Matt states and high fives Jessica.


	22. Busybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitches be crazy.

Danny and Matt are walking down the street when Danny wants to try out Matt's cane. Matt obliges because he doesn't need it anyways. "How do you use this thing? Don't you ever hit people?" Danny asks as he tries it out. Before Matt can reply, a woman runs up to them, "Give that man back his cane, asshole! He's blind!" She screams at Danny who shrinks back in shock. "I, um, sorry..." Danny apologizes, startled, and goes to give the cane back but Matt refuses. "Fuck off and mind your own business, bitch! I gave him that cane because I wanted to. He didn't steal it." The blind lawyer snaps. The woman is too flabbergasted to say anything and she scurries off. "Do you want this back though?" Danny asks. "No, you can keep it." Matt replies.


	23. Breakfast guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motherfuckin' Frank Castle.

Danny is invited to Matt's apartment for breakfast along with the rest of the Defenders. He's the last one to arrive and when he enters, he sees a newcomer. "Is... that Frank Castle?" Danny asks, stunned. "Yeah." Matt replies. "Didn't he kill a lot of people?" Danny questions. "No, more like two." Matt answers. "Uh, I'm pretty sure he killed at least twenty." Danny retorts. "Two." Matt throws back. "Twenty." "Two." "Twenty!" "Look, are you eating with us or not?" Matt finally ends it, irritated. "Oh yeah." Danny never passes up free food.


End file.
